Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
