Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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