Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
