go do what you do best...puke behind churches
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
