I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
