did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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