I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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