cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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