all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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