that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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