At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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