Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
