My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
