Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize