Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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