real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
