If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
