Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
