her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
