Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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