it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
