So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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