literally had 100 drinks last night.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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