I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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