Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
