Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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