So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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