I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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