turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The air was thick with penises
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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