I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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