"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you made out with another girl for some wings
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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