The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
