If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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