Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
