whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
