Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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