My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
