I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
