even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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