3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
