I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof