woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?