We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night