Swine flu. Run for my life!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck