Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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