Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
