I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
