i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
