it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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