So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
