I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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