Will you blow on my dice?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
