Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
