There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
operation have a gay friend backfired
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
