He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There r osticjed everywhere
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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