so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
