Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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