i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
