I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Panties = found
Randomize
