I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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