I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
