Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
