Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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