so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
