i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
