I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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